I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
