I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
