He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
