you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
