i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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