She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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