I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Drunk is a universal language darling
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
