they need to just BURY HIM!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
