Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize