so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
