Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My penis needs a shock collar
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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