Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
