So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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