My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
