im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
