walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
