She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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