I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
