sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
