I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
