so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
