..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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