not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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