Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Randomize
