We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
