why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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