I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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