she woke up with a sticky ear
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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