Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
