yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
worst night to have a conscience
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
