I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
