I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
