I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
