at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
