I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He felt like a one man threesome
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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