Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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