I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
