We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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