I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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