sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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