If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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