Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
