I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
