Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
