so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
