It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
