I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
