You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
