Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
