apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
