The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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