sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I could fuck to npr.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
