never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
