after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
