Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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