Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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