Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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