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I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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