I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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