yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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