She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
