Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Four minutes until I can fart!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
