Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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