I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
