The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
