Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
