So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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