Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
