I cockslap morals
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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