i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
