I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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