I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
