hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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