those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
either way he was missing a nipple.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize