Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Buhtt sex?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
