I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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