get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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