But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
