goodnight i made you a song goodbye
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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