I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
