This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
