drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
